Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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