If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
