Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
