is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
