Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
