I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
