I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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