soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
