Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
