ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
