so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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