I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
