how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize