Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
