i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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