I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think I died a long time ago.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
