You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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