Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
