When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
