Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
His nipple licking is glorious
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