You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
