i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
