She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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