i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
