Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
