Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
