Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
