TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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