So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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