just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
