Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
