I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
