If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just tell him i said nine months
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
