1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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