Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
