You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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