how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
