I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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