well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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