...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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