didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
thus making me awesome and them whores
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
