so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
