Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
