thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
