I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
