You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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