Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I puked a lego.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
