Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
