Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
