P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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