This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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