i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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