foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
