Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
