she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
