I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
As shirtless as possible
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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