She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
