she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
