Yo dont text me then not text me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
