Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
