Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize