That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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