Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
