my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
