I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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