I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
