She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love you. Go after that dick
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
