trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
