i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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