Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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