non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
