I CAN MOONWALK!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
